Friend Me on F%$#$#$Book!

Are you on F@@**book? It's my new term for the hip new way to stay in touch with your preschool friends from a century back, when phones were rotary and an answering machine was basically someone being home to pick up the call. Now the Mountain comes to Mohammed, sitting at home in front of the computer, clad only in Ghandi-style underpants while trading witty barbs or boring updates with the rest of the planet, but Frickbook has its pitfalls, the biggest being a declaration to the world that you have no life. "I'm headed to the grocery and I'm picking up the 1 percent," has been the general level of status update discourse from those channeling Jim Carrey in The Truman Show. Frickin'book has allowed us all to peep into every boring nanosecond of everyone's life, each time that person decides to share, and some people are taking it very seriously indeed. Which is great. Communication is what it's all about but in general, my suggestion is...TMI!!! I'm happy to hear that you found a parking spot, well done, but do you own a car is my question? Or are you planning to lie in the space until Passover when parking is suspended for a week? Perhaps you are driving a tractor-trailer today, in which case, you found ten spots in a row, and boy, am I impressed! Otherwise, keep it all to yourself, and I will do exactly the same. And furthermore, please learn the difference between writing on someone's wall and sending them a private message, which means less of "I just had a colonoscopy and I had no idea they didn't go through my mouth" and more of "wow, you are looking so hot in that new profile pic." And when you hang out with friends of friends, which is totally fine on the Frickin'book, have the subtlety to make your plans with them offline, or in private and then think twice about posting a record of the event.
"How come I wasn't invited to that dinner at your place last week?" a friend asked, having seen the Frickin'book photos that the people who were invited decided to post online.
"Because I don't like you," is not a conversation you want or need to have. In other words, can we leave something of our lives to everyone's imagination? A tempting tidbit here, an insinuation there, maybe? And then we can all preserve the idea that, sitting before our computers, underpants or fully-dressed, we are as fab and exciting and important as we actually think we are.